Opening Scene Part 2

Cut to a commercial. A clip of a pro basketball team in the final seconds of a championship game is shown.

Narrator: IN THE PLACE OF GREATNESS SOME FALL IN THE FACE OF GREATNESS. 

A closeup of two players. The offensive player (with the ball) commits a BLATANT foul on his defender, knocking him to the floor and bloodying his nose. The ref DOES NOT call a foul. The offensive player shoots and scores as the buzzer sounds. The crowd goes wild with joy. As the winning player blows kisses to the crowd, the losing coach holds his bloodied player, arguing with the referee. He becomes more furious as the crowd taunts him. Some lower their trousers and "moon" him. Others grab the crotch of their pants and shake it at him, heaving their midsections up and down in a variation of "the wave". Some spit in his direction. 

Narrator: WHEN GREATNESS TRIUMPHS, THOSE WHO RESIST GREATNESS MUST BE TAUGHT HUMILITY. 

The coach continues yelling at the referee. Suddenly 5 policemen grab the coach and forcibly escort him from the arena. Cut to an outdoor scene, night. Crowds of victorious, hometown fans run through the streets of a city chanting "We're Number One !!" 

Narrator: THOSE WHO RESPECT GREATNESS SHOW THEIR APPRECIATION THROUGH SACRED RITUALS.

 The crowd of happy fans set fire to cars, stores, and businesses. Some are shown pointing their guns upward and firing into the night sky. Cut to an interior shot. The game winning player is shown drinking from a bottle of spring water. He is in his mid 40s. 

Narrator: BUT TO ACHIEVE GREATNESS YOU MUST PARTAKE OF THE WATERS OF GREATNESS.

 The player pours some on his head, then speaks to the camera. 

Superstar Allstar: Hi. I'm Superstar Allstar, oldest yet greatest player in Pro Ball !!!! And how did I do it ?? WITH THIS !! (holds up the bottle). So be a Superstar. Partake of my greatness. Receive me. Drink of THE WATERS OF GREATNESS. 

A six pack of 0.5 liter bottles of WATERS OF GREATNESS is shown. 

Narrator: Retail $9.99 where all fine waters are bestowed.

Cut to the coffee shop crowd. Various shots reveal that many have bottles of WATERS OF GREATNESS. Some drink from their bottle, others pour it into their coffee, then drink it. 

Patron 1: (as he pours WATERS OF GREATNESS into his coffee) DUMB commercials !! HEY LOOK !!!

 Everyone suddenly focuses their attention on the TV. Cut to the TV image. A commercial of a rock concert is shown. 

Narrator: Coming Friday the 27th, in his only regional appearance, it's SUPERSCAR !!!!

Cut back to the coffee shop. The crowd whoops, yells, cheers, etc. A couple of them touch their facial scars while mockingly, jokingly, screaming. Cut to the TV image. A bald, shirtless man with many intricate scars covering his face, chest, and back slowly struts to the mike stand as loud, aggressive music is played. 

Narrator: YES, SUPERSCAR, WHO ONCE WAS MERELY A PERFECTLY AVERAGE NORMAL JOE .... LIKE YOU !!!!!! ........BUT WHO STRUCK A BLOW AT NORMALCY, CONFORMITY, AND FASHION BY TRANSCENDING ALL OF THEM !!!!!!!! 

Cut to the coffee shop. 

Patron 1: I've seen this!! Watch !! He gets the CLAW !! THE CLAW !!!! 

Patron 2: I saw him do it for real in ATLANTA !!!! I was only 4 rows back !!! 

Patron 3: WATCH !!! 

Cut to the TV image. Rather than singing, SUPERSCAR is jerking wildly and randomly screaming gibberish into the microphone. Four men in suits and dark glasses come onstage, carrying a small suitcase. They open it. Cut to the coffee shop. 

Patron 4: That's how they keep it !! His security !!!

Patron 5: Always under lock and key !! It's worth TONS OF MONEY !!! A special guy, you know ....... 

Patron 4: Right, some kind of metal craftsman. 

Patron 5: Yeah, and it's got all these intricate cuts and designs in the small blades. IT'S ONE OF A KIND !!!! 

Cut to the TV image. Two of the security men help SUPERSCAR place a metal glove/ claw on his hand. He raises it above his head. 

Narrator: And on this night one AND ONLY ONE lucky person will receive ... 

SUPERSCAR reaches into the front row with the claw hand. Many of the concert goers are screaming "ME, ME" . The claw rests upon the face of a young woman. 

Narrator: THE MARK OF SUPERSCAR !! 

While screaming like a crazy man, SUPERSCAR rakes the claw across the woman's face. A closeup shows her holding her face in her hands. She pulls her blood soaked hands away and looks upward at SUPERSCAR. She has a joyous, thankful, extremely HAPPY look on her severely scratched and bloodied face. The image freezes as concert info is shown on the screen.

Narrator: With special opening band JOHNNY HOT BALLS !!!!

Cut to the coffee shop. A non-descript commercial plays in the background as they wildly discuss SUPERSCAR.

Patron 1: Count me in !!! 

Patron 7: Wow !! To be that girl !! 

Patron 6: She's been on lots of talk shows !! Along with the other 23 that got marked on the last tour !! 

Patron 5: And the claw has these one of a kind designs. I think they're like copyrighted or something !! 

Patron 7: You mean trademarked ?? 

Patron 6: I think patented !!!

Patron 5: Anyway, the only way to get the AUTHENTIC MARK is from SUPERSCAR himself !!!!!! 

Patron 8: I heard he might license it, you know, make reproductions, a few only... 

Patron 9: Yeah, LIMITED EDITION of 100, and have like only certain scarification parlors where it would be available, and they'd have to pay a BIG FEE for the license !!! 

Patron 5: WOW !!!! THAT WOULD BE JUST LIKE HAVING SUPERSCAR TOUCH YOU HIMSELF !!!!!

Patron 6: I hope JACK THE KNIFE'S QUICK KUT gets one of those claws !! 

Patron 1: You know, when I first heard Johnny Hot Balls' CD "big, Bigger, BEST" I said, wellll.. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS ..it was like I didn't know WHAT to think ... so I HID it from everyone !! But then I read that Stitch, the bass player for Superscar, called Hot Balls... 

Patron 6: He called Hot Balls one of his favorite bands !!!! Oh yeah !! I remember I heard that TOO !! 

Patron 1:Yeah, so I went back and played that CD again. I COULDN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH BETTER HE'D GOTTEN !!!!!! 

Patron 4: That shows his GENIUS !!

Patron 5: Right ! I read that too ! In DuHh Magazine!! He's a GENIUS !! Like Einstein !!  

Patron 7: Hey look !! The Real Eye is back on !!! 

Cut to the TV image 

Dick Huston: A small biotech firm in Research Triangle Park announced today that they have developed a foolproof method for determining the presence of illicit substances in the human body. Dubbed the "nail tester", testees will be required to submit one complete fingernail for testing. 

Paula Crawford: So job applicants, if your prospective employer chooses this method, get ready to have those nails YANKED OUT !!!

Paula Crawford: Oh you CRAZY DICK !!! Your generation can be so INHIBITED sometimes. To speak FRANKLY, when I came here 6 months ago, Real Eye 7 had moved forward to FECES !! 

Paula Crawford: YES, FECES testing! To keep up with the latest advances !!! 

Dick Huston: You mean WASTE TESTING. 

Paula Crawford: Oh Dick, a recent survey revealed that 2501 vs. 2499 of the Fortunate 5000 companies now refer to it as FECES TESTING !! SO GET WITH IT !! 

Patron 4: Dude, you won't catch me giving up my stuff ! That's my stuff ! How humiliating !! 

Patron 10: Yeah and you won't work either. Every company's feces testing NOW ! 

Patron 7: I read on THE INTERNET that the feces test ain't nearly as accurate as the old pee test, like they claim it's supposed to be !!! 

Patron 10: Oh that's CRAZY !! The lab that developed it charges even more for it than pee !! Why would any company pay MORE for a test that was LESS accurate ??? 

Patron 7: Cause the feces labs got better salesmen with more propaganda !! They're just CONNING all the companies to use IT !! 

Patron 9: Somebody's gonna get to the bottom of this !! Just you wait !! 

Patron 6: (Standing) It's not fair !! Why can't they go back to urine samples !? Let us be free to give only urine samples ! (raises his fist in the air). Let us be free ! BE FREE JUST TO PEE ! BE FREE JUST TO PEE !! 

Patrons 4, 6, and 7: (In unison) BE FREE JUST TO PEE ! BE FREE JUST TO PEE !! BE FREE JUST TO PEE ! BE FREE JUST TO PEE !! BE FREE JUST TO PEE ! BE FREE JUST TO PEE !! 

Dick Huston: And now....... 

Paula Crawford: THE REAL EYE VIDEO CLIP !! 

Joe Gimmel: (turning away) I can never watch these !! They're always so horrible! 

Bob Bergman: But it sells, Joe ! How do you think Real Eye 7 got to be Number One in the regional news market? 

Joe Gimmel: Well ....... Yes, you're right ! It sells ! It IS GOOD !! (He looks at the TV with a forced smile on his face) 

Bob Bergman: (Picking up a flyer off the table) What ?? CDs door to door ?? Red Coffee Records ?? Hey Joe, you always said you could sell ANYTHING TO ANYBODY. I think you should do this ! (Laughs). 

Joe Gimmel: (Looking at the flyer) Hmmm..... well I could keep up the old salesmanship skills. CDs door to door ? That's odd ... I ... don't know. 

Bob Bergman: If anybody can do it, you can !!! Come on, I DARE YOU !!! 

Joe Gimmel: Well of course ! I'll DO IT !!! 

Bob Bergman: Great, but what's wrong? 

Joe Gimmel: That town, Peachpit. I was there last night, I stayed in a motel near the area where ..... 

Bob Bergman: The cats ? 

Joe Gimmel: Yeah. 

Bob Bergman: Anybody suspicious around ?? 

Joe Gimmel: No ...nobody. Oh I'll be OK, it's just that most of the people there were such decent folks, I couldn't imagine anyone there doing such a terrible ... I had an early morning meeting with a sales rep there, that's why I didn't want to drive down this morning... so that's why I stayed in the motel. Even though Peachpit IS relatively close to Charlotte. 

Bob Bergman: (Laughing) HA !!! Yeah, but it's in SOUTH Carolina. 

Joe Gimmel: I remember the sirens this morning .... oh well, back to business, I'll check into this CD sales job first thing in the morning !! 

Patron 3: That was the BEST EVER !! 

Patron 10: Oh you're crazy !! They're ALL THE BEST EVER to you !! 

Patron 6: The skyscraper guy will always be NUMBER ONE !!!!!!!! 

Patron 8: NO WAY !!! In my book, the airshow incident will always be THE ONE !!!!