1-900-GIRL#22 (Excerpt From Part 2b)   

On the set of the Janey Winger Show, returning from a commercial break.

Janey: And now we have a quite UNUSUAL guest to talk about Joe.....

A stagehand brings out a phone, the cord trails behind him.. Another follows with a mike stand. They set them up on stage. One holds the receiver to the mike. Janey walks to the phone.

Janey: Now, the reason we have set this up in this fashion is to give you, the audience, the full effect of the type of....people that Joe associates with...you'll see in a minute..

Janey dials a number. We hear the phone ringing through the mike. As it is answered, the person on the other end is able to hear Janey (and anyone else on the show) . THEIR voice is amplified by the stand up mike. The effect is very circus like.

Phone voice: Hellooooooo....mmmmmmm. who's this???

Janey: Can I speak to Girl 22 please?

There is a short pause. Joe looks worried. There is an extreme closeup of the phone at the mike whenever Girl 22 speaks

Girl 22: Hello.....mmmm...what's your name?

Janey: Hi, this is Janey Winger, I'm calling you LIVE on the air about a client of yours, Joe Gimmel.

Girl 22: You mean Joe the reddy coffee man (laughs)???

Joe: Wait !!! NO !! I can explain !! See I can sell ANYTHING to ANYBODY... My friend Bob dared me to call a 900 number and sell one of the CDs.... 

Girl 22: He's right...he did sell me one of those ...things. But I just LOVED the way he SOLD me!

Some in the audience cheer, some laugh, some boo.

Janey: Tell us more.

Girl 22: He told me how sexy and beautiful I looked..

Janey: Over the phone ??

Audience laughs.

Girl 22: He was sooooooo nice....he let me talk about what I wanted to...he just agreed and went along with everything I suggested...

Joe: No.... wait !

Janey: Play the tape !!!!

A tape of a phone sex conversation is heard. As it plays we see shots of audience members' reactions.

Taped voice of Joe: Oh sure.....I've done this before,..,many many times...

Taped voice of Girl 22: Mmmmm....

Taped voice of Joe: But you're the BEST !!!

Tape stops. Audience boos, laughs. Joe jumps up, runs to the phone at the mike stand. He angrily speaks to it as if he were addressing a person.

Joe: Now wait a minute !!!! I just wanted to make a sale !!!!! I just wanted to make you feel comfortable with me !!! I was just going along with....

Girl 22: OH like when you said you would WEAR A DRESS !!?????

Joe: Bu....bu....now look here !

Girl 22: AND HEELS ??????!!!!!!

Some in the audience are laughing, some booing. Some shout and scream at Joe.

Joe: But you bought the PRODUCT. You like it, don't you???

Girl 22: Whenever I have it on in the background my clients say it sounds like a mental institution burning down !!

The audience explodes with laughter. Joe is yelling at the phone, gesturing and "talking with his hands". He inadvertently gets them stuck in the phone cord. The phone flies back and violently strikes him in the head.

Joe: Now wait - OWWWWWW !!!!!!!!!!!!!

As the phone receiver hits him, Joe falls to the floor. There is a closeup of the receiver on the floor. Girl 22 can barely be heard, still talking. The audience is ecstatic, laughing and "high fiving" each other.

Janey: Don't go away !! There's more to come !!