Mean Miss Mitter (Excerpt From Part 2b) 

On the set of the Janey Winger show. Joe has had to endure numerous guests. He sits on stage, with chairs around him. Janey

sits in one.

Janey: Now, Mr. Gimmel, we have someone else from your past.

An elderly woman with a walker slowly walks out. She and Janey sit together, by Joe.

Janey: (to Joe) Now Joe, you said something to me when you saw her?

Joe: Uhh... I thought she was dead.

Miss Mitter: Do I look dead, Joey? 99 and still going strong!!

Audience is shown laughing.

Janey: This is Ms. Mitter, Joey....Joe Gimmel's second grade teacher.

Miss Mitter: That's MISS Mitter !

Janey: Oh sorry....now... MISS  Mitter, how do you remember...Joey?

Miss Mitter: He and some other boys use to do this abnormal thing at the lunch table.

Audience gasps.

Miss Mitter: (continuing) They told these dirty jokes about using the bathroom, and they had their own little private vocabulary to describe certain body parts......like talking in code!

Audience is shown, shocked and gasping. Then, the cover of "The Bully" is shown on screen.

Janey: (voice over) Now, Miss Mitter, do you see the monitor?

Back to shot of the set. We see Miss Mitter in closeup.

Miss Mitter: I always knew he'd end up BAD!!!

Joe: That's not me!!

Janey: (as if to a child) Joey!! Stop it!!!! Continue, Miss Mitter.

Joe frowns at Janey, but is quiet.

Miss Mitter: All these secret little code words, they were... names for.....food!!

Janey: In BATHROOM jokes?   

Miss Mitter: (embarassed)...yes.

Audience: (yelling) Disgusting!! Yech!!

Some audience members run out, are shown entering the restrooms, hands to their mouths. The cover of "The Bully" is again shown on screen momentarily. Back to the set.

Janey: Now, Miss Mitter, I know this is difficult but.......the words?

Miss Mitter: Well...waffle was....you know..

Janey: The.....backside....mam?

Miss Mitter nods, shaken.

Audience: Pervert! Scum!!

Miss Mitter: And the banana was used to mean......

Janey puts her hand on Miss Mitter's shoulder; Mitter is obviously shaken, a tear is in her eye, her face is beet red.

Janey: It's OK, it's OK....I think we can figure that out.  So now we see that Joe Gimmel had a sick, twisted, conniving, manipulative, perverted mind even in the second grade!!

Joe: What?!  It was a harmless kids' thing...it..I wasn't the only one..it was harm---

Janey: Now Joe! You'll get your chance to...speak!  PLEASE!

Joe is quiet. He scowls at Janey.

Janey: Sorry to everyone.....Now, Miss Mitter, when you sent a note to the boys' fathers, what happened with Joe's father?

Joe: I'll tell you what happened! My dad thought she was nuts!  Banana equals penis?! Waffle equals buttocks?!! "What's wrong with her?" he said (more angry, standing) You CRAZY OLD BAT !!!!!!! I was the best reader in that class and all I ever got was a B on my report card and all that crap you put on there about "The B in reading is very high" cause you couldn't stand to give A's !!......Why you.. .you...

Miss Mitter: (standing) YOU LITTLE DEMON!! Here's what I should've done in the second grade!!!!!

Miss Mitter picks up her walker, cracks it over Joe's head. She raises it again and begins to fall back, but Security catches her and props her up.  Joe has also fallen back into his seat (from the blow), but angrily springs back up again.   The walker and Joe's head meet again.  this action is repeated numerous times. The audience is ecstatic, cheering, and on their feet. 

Miss Mitter: Would've done this years ago, 'cept the school system might not have approved!!!

Audience cheers. Finally, Joe falls back and the chair topples over. He lies on the floor.

Miss Mitter: That's what you should've got back in grade school, LITTLE SATAN !!!!!!!! 

Miss Mitter turns and uses the walker to slowly walk offstage.  As she does the audience cheers ecstatically.  She nods and waves to them.

TOP